Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My hand turned me down
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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