just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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