if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
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i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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