God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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