Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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