I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize