remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Im part way to drunk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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