You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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