Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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