I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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