i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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