I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize