My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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