yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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