Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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