He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize