We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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