Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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