she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize