wakey wakey hands off snakey
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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