i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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