how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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