dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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