you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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