If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize