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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize