This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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