he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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