Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize