I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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