is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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