I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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