Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
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she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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