what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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