i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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