thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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