Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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