There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
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I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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