I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am available for nakedness
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