that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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