i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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