smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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