drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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