I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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