why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize