So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just high enough for therapy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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