I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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