the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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