So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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