I need help removing her.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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